


What Is Already Broken Can't Be Fixed

by gabby_b2477



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Dark Uzumaki Naruto, Depressing, Depression, F/M, Gay, Gay Sex, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Graphic Description, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Sad, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smart Uzumaki Naruto, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Teen Angst, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-06 23:22:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11046477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabby_b2477/pseuds/gabby_b2477
Summary: This is my first time back into the fanfiction community after taking many years off, and this was the first fandom I was ever a part of, so it only felt right to write a story about my first anime ship.To be blunt, this will be a hard read, not only in length and writing but also in content. I have always used Naruto (the series and the characters) to project my own mental illnesses on, and it just felt natural to use that same kind of though to write my story with. There isGRAPHICcontent in this, as well as same-gender romance, so turn back now if you do not like either of those.For those who are ready to commit to this journey of love with me, thank you, and I really hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have loved Naruto for going over fourteen years now, and this has always been one of my favorite ships, even still today.Thank you again for reading, feel free to leave comments, or just chat below, I am free to anything! This is only chapter one ofMANYmore to come, I am fully committed to this story, and as long as there are people who enjoy it I will keep on writing it!ENJOY!!!:*





	1. Summer Coming to an End

# Summer Coming to an End 

His shadow caste on the ground from the orange glow of the light looked too big, too monstrous from the small body that it was attached to. Creaking from the swing broke the silence of the night as the boy swung haphazardly and slowly. Moonlight shone on the rest of the park, catching in small glimmers on the metal objects, and caught in tiny drops on the wet glass, making it shimmer. Naruto sat here, alone, with no purpose and no motive. His small, but rather lanky frame was hidden under a baggy hoodie and jeans. His headphones popped in his ears blocked the sound of that the swing was making, and continued to pound music into his head. Back and forth, and back and forth he went on the swing, slowly and without much force. His black sneakers dragged on the dirt below him, and his arms were in his hoodie pocket rather than on the chains. If anyone had been looking, that would notice that he had been here for quite a few hours, swinging or walking around the in the grass for most parts. At some points, he would sit on top of the monkey bars, but would eventually return back to the swing. 

The end of summer was coming, and the nightly cold winds was a sign. Naruto dreaded the end of summer more than anything. For the most part, he hated the thought of going back to school, and being around all his peers. Summertime for Naruto was spent alone doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He had no friends, nor parents, and his only “family figure” was busy with work in the summer to care what Naruto was doing. Jiraiya had spent the better half of the past four months in some European countryside to work on a new book that would be releasing soon. This left Naruto to the house and his own freedom at his disposal. Since this was his last summer of high school, Naruto had decided not to work these past months and had spent the last year saving up money for college beforehand. This allowed him to spend the three months of summer break doing everything he loved. A couple of these things included a solo trip to the beach for two weeks, where he lived on the beach or in his car and enjoyed himself as a faux beach bum. Naruto had also gone on a few lake trips to fish and hike, whichever he wanted to do more, since there was a large National Park only an hour away. The remainder of the summer had been spent lounging around, and going around town or the big city nearby whenever he felt the need. 

Naruto had enjoyed every second of these months of heat and independence. No one was around to look at him, or talk to him. But now, Naruto had to deal with the dread that school was bringing to his attention, and his body manifested the stress and anxiety into insomnia and racing thoughts. Late night trips to the park near his apartment were becoming more frequent, and other noticeable signs of stress and the anxiety disorder he had were present. Naruto’s thoughts were as blank as they could be right now, with the music pounding in his ears, and he composed himself to be calm enough to head home, before dawn would crack. _Five more days of this freedom, before I go back into hell_ , he thought to himself as he stood up stiffly. His hands dug around in his pockets as he pulled out a lighter and a cigarette. Naruto had been smoking since he turned sixteen. Jiraiya-sama hadn’t cared much, since this wasn’t the only bad habit the boy had, and would buy him his cartons when given money. The lit cigarette hung out of his mouth and pushed out past the hoodie that Naruto had thrown over his head before he began trekking home. Naruto smoked two cigarettes as he walked the four blocks to get home. 

He was tired now, or at least he felt tired, whether he would sleep or not tonight would be seen. Naruto’s body ached, from lack of sleep and stress, and as he peeled off his clothes, he felt the pulling tension of each muscle that was stiff. Staring a shower for himself, Naruto glanced in the mirror. His golden hair was shaggier than ever, his big blue eyes gleamed in the light, but looked faded, and his skin was a deep tan. The whiskered scars on each of his cheeks were a soft white, standing stark against his skin. Naruto averted his eyes quickly when making eye contact with the blemish, turning to enter the warm, steam that was billowing out of the shower. _The bags under my eyes are looking worse than ever_ , he noted to himself as he stepped under the water. Hot water poured onto his body, as he lathered his hair with shampoo. His thick blonde locks didn’t take a lot of work to manage, and the boy did nothing to tame its shaggy appearance except the occasional haircut. His body wash was a soft blue, and called _Ocean_ , but as he lathered himself over, Naruto couldn’t help but to think that this smelled nothing like the real deal. Steam covered the walls, and mirror as he stepped out onto the plush rug. The cold wind in the apartment nipped at him, despite the heat that the steam was bringing. An orange towel wrapped around his slim waist threatened to fall at any time as Naruto walked to his bedroom. Morning light poured through two large windows, casting soft light onto the small room, hitting Naruto as he stood looking out of them from the other side of the room. _Should I just stay up now since it’s too late to try to sleep_ , he questioned himself as he went to the tall wardrobe along the wall. A large sigh fell from his lips, the first noise coming out of his mouth in the past twelve hours. He slipped into jeans that were too big for his narrow waist, making him slip on a dark brown leather belt in an attempt to hold them up. The mirror to his right, off in the corner, caught his attention. He looked at his body. Ribs were visible, abdominal muscles were defined, shoulder bones protruded from the skin, as well as collarbones, and his hips shot out past his thing waist. Another scar adorned his stomach. This one was more faded, and had an interesting spiral shape. Naruto placed his hand over his naval covering a vast majority of the scar, and Naruto noticed how long and slender his fingers were getting, connected to large, bony knuckles. He had lost a significant amount of weight, part of it due to depression, and most of it due to all the activities he had partaken in over the summer. No more baby fat clung to his body, and it was unsettling to him how fast the change had occurred. He quickly turned to throw on a baggy tee shirt to cover up in, shivering in the morning light. 

In the kitchen, Naruto poured a small bowl of cereal and sat down at the small table. His phone was going to die soon, but he ignored that and opened up the app called **Talk!** , which opened up his profile. He noticed he had no new notifications, which wasn’t unusual, but he did have a message. Jiraiya had sent him a picture of some quaint town, the houses looked unusual and painted in bright colors, and the flora was unlike anything Naruto had seen. Below the picture was a quick message from the old man: _Good morning Naruto! Enjoying my time here before I head home, can’t wait to see you, enjoyed the pictures from the beach. We should go together soon! Naruto smiled softly at the old man’s words. Despite him being busy, the man had been a saving grace and father-figure in Naruto’s bleak life. Naruto typed a quick message of endearment back, and backed out to his profile. This app allowed people to post for others to see, and Naruto scrolled through peers and townspeople’s posts, which were an array of paragraphs talking about something or pictures of some event. Nothing too interesting appeared as he scrolled, barely skimming over what he saw, as he finished the bowl of cereal. Naruto washed the bowl and set it to dry on the counter before heading back to his bedroom._

He had five days to prepare for classes again, and as he sat down at the desk he felt the weight of that realization washing over him. Unfortunately for Naruto, old man had sent him to a pretty prestigious high school, since the he had talked about aspirations of going to college. This being said, the classes were tough, the competition tougher, and Naruto had to get everything ready by himself this year. Naruto plugged his phone in before propping open his laptop. His school set up a website to contain all the information for every class and extracurricular for the students to access. Senior year meant hard classes, and supplies needed were expected to be met, since the students were now considered adults. Pulling out a small journal, Naruto opened to a blank page, and started a list for supplies he would need to pick up. He had eight classes this year: organic chemistry, honors biology, honor literature and writing, honors statistics, anatomy and physiology II, advanced art II, advanced music I, and world culture. Naruto’s dread was becoming unbearable has he looked over his schedule, and watching the list of items he needed for each grow. The school, Konoha Academy, aimed to create well-rounded, and intelligent students, and Naruto had to be molded into one of them. Once the list was complete, Naruto looked over it, double-checking that he hadn’t missed anything. Most of the list Naruto had, since he usually bought too much the year before, so he took inventory of his desk. Both drawers on the right side contained a bulk of what he needed: notebooks, stationary, binders, highlighters, and many more common supplies. Beside his desk was a small bin containing all of his art supplies, including an extra pastels and pencils. Naruto took inventory of what his small room contained, crossing off what was already met on the list, and writing down quantities of items he didn’t think he had enough of. This task took him about two hours to complete, mainly in part because Naruto kept checking his phone for a message from Jiraiya. By now it was pushing eight in the morning, and despite being up for the entire night Naruto felt restless and energized rather than tired. 

_I should head to the store before it gets too hot out, and before too many people start going out_ , he thought as he stood up from his desk. He closed his laptop, and checked his phone percentage, before ripping out the pages from the journal he needed. He folded the sheets into neat squares before shoving it into his front pocket. He left his wallet, smokes and lighter on his dresser before he had got a shower and walked over to grab them, once again seeing his reflection in the mirror, which was on his left. He could hardly see the outline of his legs in the pants, his bony feet sticking from out from the bottom that bunched up. Naruto frowned at the sight, grabbing his things, and leaving the image behind him as he doubled back across his room to grab his phone off the charger. Naruto grabbed socks out from the bottom of the wardrobe before closing the door to his bedroom. No one was here to enter the room, but the habit of closing it behind him was a hard one to break. He slipped the black socks on, and then slipped on the black tennis shoes that were covered in remnants of dirt from last night. By the door was a table with the car keys in a dish, and had a notepad that hadn’t been wrote on in quite some time. When the old man left, he would leave a note behind for Naruto, and even as he glanced at it out of habit, the blank page looked eerie. Naruto frowned, he missed the small notes and the old man’s curly writing. He left with that thought, closing and locking the wooden door behind him. It was Wednesday, and the small town was quiet as the adults who worked had already left in the earlier morning, and it was too early for most of the younger children to be out playing in the yards. Naruto glanced up at the pale blue sky that was gleaming with soft light from the morning sun. The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight, and the birds were enjoying this as they flew and chirped against the silence. Naruto walked out along the path to the sidewalk, his dark blue Mitsubishi sat in front of the house, and he got in slowly. Naruto had saved up to buy this two years back, even though Jiraiya said he had plenty of time to save up and buy something newer or bigger. Naruto had figured this little car was good enough, and liked it, so he bought it through hard work. He plugged his phone into an auxiliary cord has be started the car, flipping onto a random song and turning up the stereo. Even though his small town had a decent amount of shops to go to for the things he needed, Naruto decided he would enjoy the day and head into the city. Driving was peaceful to him, he enjoyed the soft wind coming from the open window that blew his golden locks around, and liked the control that being on the road gave him. This trip only took about thirty minutes, but it was liberating and freeing, and felt long and enjoyable as the boy entered the cityscape. Konoha was a large and booming city in Japan, that noticeably was getting larger as the economy kept on improving. Traffic wasn’t heavy, as the morning hours were still looming on, and as Naruto drove through the streets noticed not very many people were and about. At least, no one he knew or cared to note was on the streets. With that being noticed the boy relaxed. Pulling into the garage, Naruto put change into the machine, giving him four hours to shop and enjoy himself before he would have to venture back home. 

Since the sun was shining, the cold air was battling against the heat that it was trying to produce onto the city. This made the weather perfect, in Naruto’s opinion, has he strolled along the city streets making his way to the shopping district. Naruto stretched his legs in each long stride he took, noting the new height he gained over the year, as his legs were longer than ever before. Naruto felt like he towered as he now was five feet and eight inches, since before he had always been one of the smallest boys in his class. This new height took him by surprise, and left him a bit clumsy and awkward. It had taken him longer than he would ever admit to anyone to get his newly found stride right. Naruto absentmindedly walked, the directions were already ingrained into his mind due to his countless trips here, and he found himself opening the door to the store before he even noticed where he was. Konoha Art and Office was like any typical office supply and art depot, with the only difference of them being put together into one large open area. This was one of Naruto’s favorite stores, as he frequented here for his art supplies constantly and all year round. Grabbing a basket, Naruto made his way through the maze of aisles grabbing things on his list, and admiring much supplies he wanted. His to buy list shrank with each aisle he went in, and the boy treated himself to a few items that he wanted out of sheer pleasure. A giant pack of multi-color gel pens, some new charcoal pencils, and a more than cool orange pencil bag were thrown into the basket as wants rather than needs. An hour passed as the boy wandered through the store, even though he had finished his shopping within twenty-five minutes, he casually walked around looking at everything else just for fun. As he finished each aisle, he ended up at the front of the store, ready to pay for the basket of goods. Anxiety flushed over the boy, the woman at the register was waving him over, and each step felt heavier than the last. 

“Did you find everything you needed today, sir” her voice was calm but assertive, this was a line she said constantly. 

“Y-yea…yes” Naruto stumbled for words, his deepened voice sounded too foreign in his own ears. 

The cashier just smiled and nodded as she took the basket to ring each individual item. While she did, Naruto looked down, avoiding eye contacts, fumbling in his wallet for his debit card. He recalled Jiraiya mentioning that he would buy the school supplies this year as a reward for Naruto being so mature, but he was too embarrassed to think of that before using his own card and quickly taking the bags from the lady. Naruto mumbled a quick thank you before turning away, never making eye contact with the lady. _That could have gone better_ , the blonde ridiculed himself as he left feeling agonizingly awkward with each long stride he took. 

Outside the store, the blonde was met with a warm breeze across his face and exposed arms. It wasn’t hot yet, but the sun was still hidden behind some of the tall towers within the city, the large windows reflecting its orange glow. Naruto made his way down the sidewalk, he kept his hands in his jean pockets as the bags bounced off his hips with each step, swinging from his thin forearms. The last thing Naruto had to do was go pick up his uniform. He felt ashamed that he had to get a new one, not because the other one was ruined, but due to his growth it looked ridiculous on him, and to his dismay it was too large. Jiraiya had to keep telling Naruto that it was fine that he needed a new one, and that it was not a big deal, but Naruto was raised very frugally and couldn’t believe that they had to pay so much for a new one. Uniforms are expensive for Konoha Academy, especially since they are hand-tailored for each person. Naruto insisted for months that he could just find black plants and a grey blazer that looked identical, but Jiraiya laughed and called the shop anyways. Jiraiya refused to tell the boy how much it cost, and refused Naruto when he handed him several hundred in cash, and to his dismay the old man had paid over the phone before Naruto had even gone in to get his measurements for the new uniform. The old tailors shop looked out of place amongst all the new shops. It was a small building, shorter than all the rest, and looked more like a two-story home than a business, other than the sign outside hanging that said **Open, Please Come In**. Naruto pushed open the small door, and entered into the tiny business. The door had a chime that dinged, scaring the boy a bit, as he shut the door behind him slowly. 

“I’ll be right out, please sit down and make yourself comfortable,” the old man’s voice bellowed out from somewhere in the back. Naruto sat in one of the plush chairs, trying to sit straight but be comfy at the same time. He laced his hands in front of him, before dipping into his back pocket to grab his phone. He opened it, and saw no new notifications. He locked it and fumbled with it in his hands, shifting it and flipping it to ease his discomfort. The shop had a homey feeling to it, but anxiety took over Naruto, and he couldn’t enjoy it, despite the noticeable effort that was put into the main room to create that atmosphere. Naruto heard the old man shuffling towards the front room, and went to stand up, but remembered he told him to sit, and that it was alright to sit. 

“Ah Naruto, it’s you! How’s Jiraiya doing overseas? I just finished up your new uniform a few days ago, it’s pressed and ready to go for the new year,” the old man was smiling as he spoke to the boy, his voice was deep and gravely with age. 

“He’s doing alright. We haven’t, um, talked too much, with the cost and all.” Naruto replied quietly, he was looking at the man, but trying to avoid eye contact without being rude. The old man chuckled throwing the tape measurer that was around his neck into his pocket. 

“Still shy, are we? That doesn’t match your new look young man. Well come on back, you know where the dressing room is, I’ll hang your uniform up,” for being an old man he swiftly turned and sauntered away quickly to grab his masterpiece. Naruto stood up, following the old man into the back, turning left in the hallway and entering a small room that had a curtain blocking out the hallway. Before Naruto had fully entered inside the cubicle of a space, the old man bounded behind him with several hangars containing each part of the new uniform. Naruto watched the hands of the man as he hung up the garments on the hooks along the wall. They were old and weathered, the knuckles were various sizes due to the strain of the work he did, and had a few small patches of discoloring that came with age. The fingers were short, but slender showing signs of work, and worked quickly and deftly while separating the hangers in a certain order. Naruto didn’t realize he was staring until the old man turned around, a small smile on his face. 

“Alright, everything is here, when you’re ready come out to the front and step up onto the platform. You know the drill,” the old man chuckled again, watching Naruto. Naruto averted his eyes and nodded, allowing the old man to walk out and swing the curtain shut. Naruto still had his phone in his hands, so he set that down onto the small bench first, before he stripped off the layers of clothes. He faced his back to the mirror, not wanting to be reminded at how small his frame is now. The uniform for the high school was strict, but a common one for private schools. Since Naruto had been in the care of Jiraiya he had attended private schools, although he didn’t understand why. The old man had mentioned something about how he was proud of Naruto and wanted him to have the best, but Naruto would’ve enjoyed anything given to him by the man he considered a father. Each piece of the uniform was put on quickly, as Naruto was no stranger to it, the tailor had even included a new belt, despite Naruto’s insisting that the one he had was good enough. Naruto didn’t turn to face the floor length mirror until he was completely dressed. The black pants made Naruto’s legs look even more longer and slender than they really were, and since they fit perfect to his height, he couldn’t hide the height behind bagginess. Even the grey blazer made Naruto’s torso look too slender and longer than what it normally looked like. He left it unbuttoned and saw that the white polo underneath fit too tight in his opinion. Despite it having some slack to it, and folding naturally along his mid waist and around where he had to tuck it into his pants, Naruto felt too thin looking. Naruto took in the image despairingly, _too thin, much too thin_ , was the only thought he had. Pulling back the heavy black curtain Naruto stepped softly out to the front room. The old tailor had been sipping on a cup of tea, sitting in one of the many comfortable chairs around the room. 

“Wow, just look at how old and mature you look, my boy. I remember how little and young you were the first time you ever stepped in here. Boy, you were hiding behind Jiraiya, but now I think you’re even taller than him!” the old man chuckled rising out of his chair, he had a soft sincere smile. Naruto smiled sheepishly, feeling his cheeks get hot under his tanned complexion. He stepped up to the platform, facing away from the mirrors and facing out towards the front room. The old man walked over admiring the boy’s new uniform, tugging on some parts and touching other parts. Naruto didn’t enjoy being touched, and he tried his best to remain calm. Although it only took the old man a few minutes to examine the fit of the pieces, it felt like hours to the blonde, and he was growing more anxious as time went on. 

“Alright, my boy, everything looks perfect. I am so glad you came to get a new uniform; these pants will be great for when you go off to university. Since you come here anyways, just come back here for a new blazer for when you start job hunting okay? I will set you up with marvelous pieces, and I am more than happy to give good deals to long-term customers,” the old man was beaming as he offered Naruto help off the high platform. Naruto nodded and put a small smile on his face before exiting the room. He undressed quickly, putting the uniform neatly back onto the hangers. He needed to put back on his clothes, and feel comfortable again. He needed to hide his slender body. Baggy clothes felt much better on his body, even if his belt was tight against his hips, because no one could see that under the shirt. Naruto grabbed the hangers, and headed back out to the front room. The tailor had made his way to another side of the room, grabbing a garment bag, as Naruto walked in. The old man turned around smiling, as always, before taking the hangars out of Naruto’s hands. The clothes disappeared into the large black bag, zipped up and packaged neatly to ensure that it would stay in highest of qualities. The man sent the boy out with a sincere goodbye, and asked him to wish Jiraiya his regards while waving the boy out of the door. Naruto told him he would, and left, waving to the man as well, with all his bags, and now his new uniform in hand. 

Naruto walked back to the garage, toting his large haul with him. The heat was setting in, but wasn’t uncomfortable, even though Naruto was in blue jeans. The streets were busier, despite it being a week day, and more people were bustling in and out of stores. Naruto was glad to be done with his shopping for the day, since the bustle of the city always intimidated him. Six blocks later, the concrete garage came into view and Naruto was glad, he was starting to get hot and sweaty from the heaviness of this load. He loaded up the car, checking his phone one more time to still see now new notifications, and checked the meter. He still had an hour left. _I’m not hungry yet, but a cold drink sounds pretty good, I guess I deserve it for finishing up pretty early_ , he pondered what to do as he finished organizing his purchases so nothing got ruined and so the garments were lain flat to keep them nice. There was a small coffee shop, which could be considered a hole-in-the-wall, since it was not a brand name, nor did it look like a shop. It was two blocks ahead, and would only take ten minutes to get there. Naruto rechecked the meter, confirming the time, he had fifty-five minutes to kill, and there was no point in wasting money. He stuck his hands back into his jean pockets after locking the car, walking to the shop lazily. 

Inside the coffee shop was dimly lit, and had an array of seating from tables, to booths, to right up on the coffee bar. There was even a bar of seats facing the wall that gave off a vibe of catering to those who do not like crowds. Naruto smiled to himself as he walked in, his anxiety at bay, even as he ordered to a sweet, younger girl. He sat himself off into the corner looking away from the door, enjoying the iced coffee he had ordered. _It’s such a nice day, and not even noon yet. I should get out and enjoy it while I can_ , Naruto thought smiling. He pulled out his phone and opened up the social media app, scrolling peacefully. He would stop at a classmate’s post, wondering how they were. Some posted their vacation posts, while others posted group photos tagging everyone in them, and other fun posts. Naruto smiled sadly as he looked through them. _None of them even pretend I exist, do they? I mean why would they, I haven’t been there long enough for them to care_ , Naruto’s thoughts grew darker and darker as he looked at the countless people who never dreamed of including him. Naruto looked at the time, he had spent thirty minutes in the quaint coffee shop, and decided to leave before he could look at more posts online. The girl behind the counter waved and said goodbye, and Naruto waved back. He took his time walking back to his car, letting the somber feeling wash over him. Nobody likes you. Nobody wants to be your friend. No one will ever include you, no matter how hard you try, Naruto let the buzz of thoughts race through his head as he kept a straight face walking through the crowd. If anyone looked at him, they would see a normal young man walking confidently down the street without a care in the world, but beneath the cool, calm composure was a broken soul and mind, hidden by smiles and soft words. No one would ever know this side of Naruto, and no one needed to. 

The car ride home felt like an eternity, and wasn’t as pleasant as the ride into the city. Naruto’s mind was clouded with dark thoughts, and he put on loud music to try and drown them out, but it came as no avail. Pulling into his parking spot on the street, Naruto turned the car off and put his face into the steering wheel. He didn’t notice he had been crying until the cold leather pushed the dampness all over his face. Naruto was broken and alone, tormented by thoughts and feelings he couldn’t fix. But worst of all, he was alone in dealing with this. He sat like that for a long time, before he could even muster the thought of going inside. Children’s laughter hit his ears as he entered into the heat. He looked up and saw the yards filled with playing children, and noticed the sun was directly overhead, blazing its heat full strength. Grabbing his phone, and unloading the car, Naruto walked into the house in a daze. He kicked his shoes off, threw the keys on the end table, and walked straight to his room. His mind was racing with thoughts, but he pushed to hang the uniform up neatly, still inside the garment bag, and placed the other bags carefully onto the floor near his desk. Naruto felt the sweat beading on him, mixing with his tears, that were still streaming down over the whiskered scars. His heart was slow but beating hard, as though it were breaking out of his breast plate. Whether it was from crying or the thoughts, Naruto’s body was shaking, rattling every bone in his body violently. He slid onto the floor hard, cradling his legs into his chest, and smashing his face into his knees. Sobbing, he was pleading with himself to stop crying, just stop crying. 

Naruto didn’t move from this position for quite some time, and long enough to where moving any part of his body caused aching pain. Despite the stiffness, Naruto moved, slowly but strongly. His eyes were red, and still wet with tears, as he stumbled his way to the bathroom. He reached under the sink, and grabbed a box of bandages. Opening it revealed a shiny, small object that fit into Naruto’s large hands. He stripped his baggy clothes, despite the comforts that they brought him and stood naked. Along his outer hips and thighs were hundreds of strips of scars; some were still pink and fresh, while many others were white, faded and shrunken with time. Naruto unclenched his fist, raising the razor blade to his face, not noticing he had accidentally cut into the palm of his hand while grasping it. His slender fingers grasped onto it deftly and calmly, as he pressed the sharp edge into his flesh once, twice, too many times to count. Both sides of his legs trickled with blood as he stood straight, no longer shaking or crying. He ran water over the blade, before wiping it and returning it into the box, and placing that back into the hidden section under the sink. Turning on the cold water, Naruto slid his body into the freezing droplets. He let the water hit him right in the face, with his eyes closed, and let the water slide to the rest of his body. He never watched the blood drip down his legs, pouring like a waterfall, and he never stopped shivering even long after the water was shut off, and the tub clean from any remains of what had just occurred. Not a single droplet of blood existed, and if it did, the red plush carpet hid it well. Naruto hated the color red, but for once it served its purpose for him. He walked out of the bathroom without a towel on. His flesh on his thighs and hips screamed in pain as the pink swollen lines threatened to open up and bleed again. Naruto wrapped a red towel he kept hidden in his dresser drawer around his waist, hissing as the fabric touched the cuts. He waited until he was dry before he carefully laid down into his bed. His eyes looked up at the ceiling, keeping the blank look upon his face. I don’t feel anything. _This is good. This is safe. Numb…numb…numb_ , he repeated that word until the ceiling faded to black behind his closed lids. Outside the weather was warm, sunny, and happy, but inside Naruto’s room the world was cold, black and numb.

__


	2. Day One of Senior Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is just trying to do his best in school while battling anxiety, depression, and constant bullying. He learns a lot about the new people around him, and remains strong through the hardships. He questions who he can find safety in, and why one person is choosing to sit next to him despite the rumors about himself. 
> 
> Can Naruto make it through this last year of school, with the first day being like this?
> 
>  **WARNING:** this is part of work that will include graphic content, violence, underage, same-sex relationships, and many other harder topics and conflicts!

# 

Day One of Senior Year

Naruto had spent the last several hours lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Anxiety for what was to come tomorrow had prevented him from sleeping well the past few days, despite all of his efforts to alleviate any stress that came to mind. His backpack was packed days in advanced. The new uniform that was made, was pressed again, despite it being in pristine condition. Naruto had even washed his leather school shoes and shined them in attempts to make them look brand new. Even more, Naruto had his entire schedule memorized, from time and location, all the way to what teacher was going to teach what. This is the last year, just one more, and then I am free to go to Suna University, as long as I get accepted, this thought kept racing in Naruto’s head. Despite his senior year being one of the hardest years to get through, Naruto was extremely intelligent when his nerves didn’t get to him. He wasn’t going to let anything stop him from getting the grades he desired this year, not again, not again will I fall behind the top tier of students. I can do this, tomorrow I will show them that I belong and that I matter. Konoha Academy was cut throat when it came to its competitiveness over grades, and who was in the top tier, and Naruto had yet to make it, but through diligence, some tutoring, and anxiety medication, he was now sixth from the first place. Naruto had literally dragged himself from the bottom to get to where he was, and despite the constant bullying that still occurred, he felt better about himself in the end with his achievement. 

His racing thoughts had finally dragged him out of bed, and he headed to the window closest to his bed. Pushing it open, he leaned over the edge with his head out, letting the wind catch in his long, shaggy hair. The cold nip at his exposed skin as he closed his eyes to the silence that met him. It was just before dawn; The world was still blanketed in the soft, dreariness of the cold summer night. From an outsider’s look upon the sight, they would’ve noticed how the moonlight shined on his golden locks. Naruto breathed in the cool air deeply, trying to calm the butterflies that were pounding beneath the flesh of his stomach, rattling his rib cage with their movements. He let the cold raise bumps along his skin long before he finally closed the window and backed away, finally opening his eyes and taking in the emptiness that was in the town below. The world was still, and for the next hour or two, it would remain like this, until alarms would ring and children would cry out. Naruto enjoyed the silence, and thrived best in this lonesome environment. His now cleared head went back to the thoughts about how crowded the school would be, despite his senior class being one of the smallest to come up through the academy. The underclassmen were loud and hyper, and Naruto was worried most about what kind of treatment he would receive after getting an entire summer away from every single one of his peers.

Naruto shook his head at the thoughts of what could possibly be planned for him as he brought his head back into his room and closed the window softly. He turned and headed towards the bathroom. Since he was wide awake, he might as well take his time to get ready for the first day of classes. He filled a bath with steaming hot water, and slowly peeled off his tee shirt and night pants, leaving his boxers on. Walking back to his bedroom, he pulled his phone off of the cord, and brought it back with him into the bathroom, before pulling down his boxers. Naruto sat with his knees up to his chest in the tub, since he was too tall to sit with his legs down, and kept his phone of the rug beside the bathtub as he ran water over his hair and face. His body heated up quickly, and he felt his body tension release as the muscles and skin were wrapped in warmth. Naruto kept his knees up to his chest, while he tilted his head back against the back edge of the tub. His knees slowly went limp until his feet hit the other end of the tub, and his hands fell to his sides, brushing his hips. He took each one of his fingers and loosely rubbed the scars along his hips and thighs. Each one a reminder of Naruto’s mental breakdowns he so often had. Each one a memory of time he felt abandoned, lonely, scared, or depressed. Each line a tally to all the times he had no one to turn to. Naruto sat back up, removing his fingers from his hips and leaned over the side of the tub, drying his hands. He tucked one arm across the tub, and laid his head down, using the other hand to hold his phone so that he could play around on it. Naruto opened **Talk!** curious as to how his other peers were handling today being the first day back to school. Naruto looked for one of the many teens names, but nothing came up. He tried searching the few that he did know, but no one came up. Did they all block me? Naruto thought, remembering the time they all had a group chat about him, and waited until they were finally done bashing him to add him to it to read it. The only names Naruto could look up and see were Sasuke, Konohamaru, and Sai. Naruto thought about it, _Sasuke’s the quiet one that sits beside me every year. I don’t think he has any friends either, but he’s a huge hit with all the girls. Konohamaru is the principle’s grandson, we met when I first moved here, he was obsessed with me since I didn’t come from here. I feel bad for losing touch with him because of studying. Sai…Sai is that weird one, who graduated early, and now he’s come back as an art teacher, and teaching my advanced class. I don’t know anything else about them, but at least I know they aren’t in with the rest of them_. Naruto closed the app, wishing he had never brought his phone in the first place. He threw it down on the rug, and dipped his head under the hot water letting air bubbles come out of his nose and mouth as he let out the last of the air he had in him. Naruto spent the remainder of his bath washing himself and trying to not care about being blocked.

Naruto got out of the bath, feeling dizzy from the heat, picking up his phone and wrapping the bright orange towel around his waist. Back into his room, he noticed the soft rays of light that were just barely casting in the sky. He reached into the middle drawer, right below where he placed his laptop on his desk, and pulled out three orange prescription bottles. One small blue pill for anxiety attacks, one large white pill for anxiety, and one large yellow pill for depression that he placed on his tongue, screwing on each cap and placing them back in the nearly hidden drawer. He reached down onto the ground by his bedside, pulling up a bottle of water with him, that he took a swig from feeling the pills disappear down his esophagus. Naruto grimaced at the chalky after taste they left behind, as he set the water bottle back down where he grabbed it before walking over to the wardrobe on the other side of the room. Behind the heavy wooden doors was Naruto’s uniform, brand new and pressed too neatly for a high schooler. He let the towel slip to his feet as he walked to the dresser and grabbed skin tight boxer briefs, and his black dress socks. He always put those on first, for one not to wrinkle his pants by bending over too much, and the second reason being that it was just easier to put the most bottom layer on first, even if it did look ridiculous. Naruto grabbed the white short sleeved polo next, out of the wardrobe, and slipped it over his bony torso, _if I put on a white tee shirt, will I fill out this shirt more, or will I be too hot later in the day_ , he buttoned the shirt while looking in the mirror. Despite the shirt narrowing to his slender build, the sleeves looked horribly too round around his toothpicks for arms. _I guess until my later classes I can just leave my blazer on, and try to hide how slim I got,_ Naruto wrapped his hand around the top part of his arm, watching his hand engulf its entire width. Backing away from the mirror, Naruto buried himself into the wardrobe, grabbing the grey trouser pants and slipping them on effortlessly. He pulled them carefully over his pressed shirt to tuck it into the top part of the slacks, hoping that when he buttoned them and removed his hand they would stay up on their own. To his surprise, they did stay on his hips, but barely, so he quickly looped his belt around him, stringing it through the belt loops swiftly. The old man tailor had made the new belt by hand, when he and Naruto discovered that all the ones in the shop were way too big for his waist. This new one fit a lot better than the other one he had, even though he insisted that it would have worked just as fine holding his pants up as the new belt would. Naruto was glad Jiraiya had insisted on getting everything new. Naruto went back to the mirror to take in his image. His legs looked miles long in the slim, grey material and his torso was sunken in far behind where the fabric of his shirt bundled on top of his belt buckle. Turning sideways, Naruto sucked in a breath, realizing that he was just a stick with a mop of messy blonde hair on top. He turned once more to face forward into the mirror and grimaced at his appearance. Jiraiya wouldn’t like to see how thin the boy got, even though he was muscular during most of the summer, the weeks leading up to school had sent him into a frenzy of emotions, and, more than not, he had been too frantic to eat. Naruto grabbed the grey blazer from the hook on the door, and reached into the back of his closet to pull out his black leather school shoes, before heading to his desk.

The extra hour Naruto had before he headed out the door was spent double checking everything, such as his schedule, backpack, and pencil back. In the kitchen, he carried his shoes and blazer, while slinging the one strap to his backpack over his left shoulder. Naruto snatched a water off the counter-top and opened it before taking a large gulp. He slipped the shoes on, and pulled on his blazer without buttoning it up. It was around seven in the morning now, and the sun was streaming bright rays through the kitchen window, so Naruto didn’t even bother turning the light on. Grabbing his satchel like backpack off the counter where he set it down, he slung it back on his left shoulder, placing the partially drank water bottle into it, as well as throwing a random granola bar into one of the smaller pockets. Naruto stood still for the first time since he got dressed, and noticed how fast his heart was racing. His hand went up to his chest, his fingers spanning wide across his chest bone. Naruto let his eyes flutter close, taking deep breaths as he slowly regained his composure. _I am fine. I am okay. Everything is in control._ Naruto let his inner voice flood over the loud beating of his heartbeat. Naruto opened his eyes, and pulled his phone out one more time, it was twenty minutes after seven, which meant it was time to go. He walked slowly out the door, grabbing his keys off the end table before locking the door behind him. Backpack went on the passenger seat, before Naruto stepped around the car to get into his seat. He started the car, letting it heat up, while he plugged his phone in to play one of his many playlists. Music blaring, seatbelt on, and a little heat trickling out of the vents it was time for Naruto to start the dreaded drive to Konoha Academy.

Pulling into the parking lot, Naruto parked in one of the farthest spots, and turned the car off while still allowing the music to play. The drive only took twenty minutes, and Naruto had spent the drive wishing he could just keep driving instead of having to stop. Naruto sighed, and unplugged his phone, before silencing it and shoving it in his right pocket. He put the keys into a pocket into his backpack and grabbed the strap before stepping out of his car and locking the door before shutting it behind him. The parking lot had a few student cars scattered through it, but only the teacher section was filled up. Naruto took relief that much of his classmates were still not here yet.

Konoha Academy was a green oasis between the tall metal fence that encased it in from the outside world. The gate opened dead center to a wide stone path that led to the main building where common classes were held, teacher offices were located, and the principal’s office looked out from the front windows on the right side of the building. It was a three-story building, where freshman and sophomores split the bottom floor, juniors took the second floor, and seniors took the top floor. On each side of the main building were two building conjoined on the ground floor with a covered but open pathway. The left building was the arts center, where all art and music classes were taught, and where many upper level humanities teachers chose to taught. To the right of the main building was the science building, where more labs were held than lectured science courses. Overall these building made an H-shape, and the school took pride in surrounding the pathways and buildings with flowers, trees, benches and even a water fountain. Most teachers referred to the grassy areas between building as the quads, and differentiating them between their location. Naruto’s favorite quad was the one in the back corner of the art building, which got the name the back-left quad. This quad housed a student-made fountain, a large Japanese maple tree, and beautiful floral arrangements that were taken care of by the gardening club. Benches were placed by the water fountain and tree, and the shade and water made the area perfectly cool. The other quads were used for various group activities, and sometimes a few sporting events, but this one remained quiet, usually used by the art students only. Overall, the school took pride in its appearance, with its light stone paths, and dark brick buildings. Even the classrooms were well furnished and advanced. With comfortable desks for students in the school colors of red, grey and white. Teachers had any supplies they needed for whatever the class was pertaining to. That included labs, which were set up similar to those that would be in universities. Even the recreational center for sports and athletics that was well behind the main building was equipped with anything imaginable. The main building and recreational center were separated by a low fence, that divided the sports field and track from the grassy areas of the far back quads and the ends of the side buildings. The recreational center had a tennis court to the right of it, and an indoor pool to the left.

Naruto buttoned his blazer before stepping through the gate to follow the wide path to the main building. Underclassmen were in groups, walking or goofing around in the grassy areas, but Naruto felt relieved when he noticed no one from his class was out here. Naruto walked up to the building, and went straight to the large stairs to head up to the top floor. Lockers were in the middle, and rooms for classes were around the sides, making a rectangle. Taking advantage of the school opening for freshmen and any transfers, Naruto had dropped his textbooks into his locker so he could avoid carrying them all on the first day, and just focus on getting his supplies organized and ready to go for each class. His locker was the last one on the front wall right after getting off the staircase, so he turned right to get to it quickly. Naruto just wanted to make it to class before everyone else got there. Naruto put his evening supplies into his locker, and replaced the space in his backpack with the various textbooks and workbooks he needed for the morning. He wasn’t one of those students who stopped at his locker between every class, and had opted to buy one of those wide leather, one-strapped backpacks in order to carry more.

His first morning class was honors literature and writing course. Naruto enjoyed writing, but for his own personal eyes only, and, after reading the course syllabus prior to school starting, knew that he was in trouble with this course. The teacher, Kakashi-sensei, had weekly writing assignments that varied in choices but would be reflected upon a deep prompt that he would select. Naruto felt anxious about that, thinking only about what the teacher would think about Naruto’s scrambled emotions and thoughts. Kakashi-sensei, by some great divinity did not do alphabetical, or assigned seating, which was a huge relief to Naruto. This wasn’t the only senior teacher who was choosing to allow their students freedom like this, as Naruto had read through all of the other courses syllabuses prior to today. The classroom was a corner room, with a row of windows to the left side, and a blackboard in the front that was encased by two more windows. Naruto walked into the empty room and enjoyed the silence, while picking a seat. He chose the third one back, to the far left of the room, which propped him dead center in one of the windows. Naruto unbuttoned his blazer and draped it onto the hook on the left of the desk. This was usually used for backpacks, but the textbooks and binders in his bag made it much to heavy, and it kept the uniform wrinkle-free. Naruto sat down, becoming all too aware of how lengthy his new legs were with this height, trying to find a comfortable way to bend them without being a nuisance. While he was leaning over to grab his notebook, workbook and pencil case a few more students started filing in the room.  


“No assigned seating, Sakura-chan, let’s try to figure out where Sasuke-kun will sit!” the bleach blonde was near squealing at the faux brunette girl. Naruto didn’t glance up at them, and instead opted to open his notebook up and search for one of his favorite pens. 

“Ino-chan, do you think he’ll be taking this class? I heard he took a lot of fourth-year classes last year. He’s so smart!” she was giggling at just the mere mention of his name. The two girls made their way to the second to last row, sitting in the two middle seats. They knew very well that if he was in this class that the shadowy boy would sit in the back. Naruto had written the date and class title on the first page of his notebook. He figured from the looks of this mysterious teacher’s syllabus that he was a no-nonsense kind of man, and that meant notes on the first day of class. The girls continued to chat and giggle about various things, but Naruto tried to block them out. Until he heard their whispers grow more serious

“Do you see him over there? Has he ever heard of a haircut? He looks like a shaggy dog!” Sakura’s comments had Ino in a giggling frenzy as she tried to stare at the boy through sideways glances. Naruto thought back to his reflection over the past couple days. His hair had gotten long, and he had truly thought about getting it cut, but the length covered his cheeks more, and he had liked that. Also, the girls at the beach had made it seem like he was the most handsome man in the world because his hair was so unmanageable, but beautifully blonde. Naruto frowned as he thought back to being on the beach, _what I would give to be back on the sand, with just a backpack of belongings and a blanket. The girls were nice, the food was nice, and the ocean was just phenomenal,_. Lost in his thought he didn’t hear the girls’ comments on his height and weight, nor his mannerisms, and he really didn’t notice that the class around him was slowly filling up as students in pairs or groups began coming through the door. Naruto looked beside him, and noticed that one shy girl was next to him looking down at her unopened notebook, and behind him was the one boy who always carried sunglasses around with him. Hinata, was the girl, and Naruto couldn’t remember the boy’s name, but knew exactly what his sunglasses looked like without having to even see them. The seat in front of Naruto remained open, and Naruto realized all those people who were in the group chat at the end of the year were sitting the farthest away from him. _Maybe they finally caught on that nothing they can do can hurt me anymore than I can hurt myself_ , Naruto’s harsh thought caused him to rub his right hand along his thigh, before shoving his hand in his pocket to make that motion look less conspicuous. The classroom that was so comfortably silent before was now buzzing with talking and laughter, only Naruto remained silent. Naruto heard Ino and Sakura whisper he’s here long before he finally caught sight of the infamous “Sasuke-kun.” Naruto looked back down at his notebook until he heard the girls gasp.

“Sasuke-kun is going to have to sit by the freak, someone should trade him seats so he doesn’t have to sit by that thing,” Ino was whispering, but she might as well be screaming because Naruto heard every word loudly and clearly. He bent his head further into his notebook, along the side of the page he had started a doodle of a thin-veined branching vine. It was snaking and winding along the lines of the page horizontally and vertically, and he had added the small curls and leaves to make it much more whimsical. Naruto’s hand was shaking, and he felt the cold sweat bead up on the back of his neck as he felt eyes glaring in his general direction. He let his hand continue the doodle, even as Sasuke sat in front of him, not chancing looking up or stopping the movement of his hand. Whether the eyes were directed at him or Sasuke, he couldn’t tell, but the loud chatter had faded and the whispers felt like screaming all around the blonde. Naruto chose to focus on the bending and curving his branches were making in his notebook doodle, trying to block out everyone and everything. The door slammed, causing Naruto to lift his pen up and bump his knee on the bottom of the wooden desk. The silver-haired teacher walked in, causing a silence to stir in the room that was once loud.

“Sorry for being late, my dear students, it seems I got lost on the path of life. I decided smelling the roses in the quad by the music room was much more important than trying to find my first homeroom of the day,” the man’s voice was soothing and his eye was warm and inviting. He seemed soft-hearted even with the eyepatch covering his left eye.

“I am going to assume you all read the wonderful syllabus I wrote out for you, and I am going to jump right into the first assignment guidelines and expectations,” he turned his back to the class and began writing on the chalkboard. If he would’ve stayed facing them he would’ve seen the shocked faces on many of the students. _Aren’t you guys supposed to be the smartest of the smart, and yet you’re lazy and inconsiderate_ , Naruto thought as he took neat notes over what sensei was writing on the board. The class seemed to end fast to Naruto, who was enjoying going over the first few assignments and didn’t mind the homework that was already assigned.

Statistics was a boring class, with a just as monotonous sensei by the name of Asuma, but Naruto got to stay in the same classroom and same seat, along with a few other seniors who were also taking this course. Overall, the class was straight forward with material and testing, and the boring man had offered a proposition of solving a few hard problems for extra credit or the removal of a test. The man never started notes for the class, but rather spent the entire time going through the entire syllabus, and Naruto felt his attention drift off. His gridded paper before him offered no easy place to doodle, but Naruto took a few of the small grids to pop in a few random animals or assorted things in. Naruto was completely zoned out when the bell finally rang to switch classes. He hadn’t realized how cramped his long legs were from sitting through two long classes, and took time to stretch out while he packed his notebook away. Students were watching him, he knew, so he took his blazer and threw it on, leaving it unbuttoned, and threw his bag over his shoulder, crossing it over his slim chest. His next class was one he was excited for, and a few glares wasn’t going to stop him from journeying to the other side of the third story building.

Granny-sama was one of the Old Man’s closest friends, and she quite often frequented the apartment. Although here she was known as Tsunade-sensei, which was foreign to him, he knew she would be an oasis in this hell. Naruto was interested in science for the most part, but honestly, he had only taken this class as an extra-curricular credit because she was teaching it. Naruto walked into the brightly lit room. Some students filled the front row tables, so Naruto walked across the room to the far right, once again by a window, and sat in the third row. The seating was arranged into pairs at a long table. Naruto left the opened blazer on, sitting into the taller seat, allowing his legs to stretch, before setting his backpack down and pulling out his materials. Granny sat at her desk, he looked up and flashed her a small grin, watching her amused look before opening his binder to a blank sheet of paper and the syllabus that he stuck in the sleeved pocket. Class was starting in a minute, and Naruto watched pairs of people sit next to each other and talk animatedly to one another. Part of Naruto wanted to keep his table alone, but a deeper part of him wanted someone to break from the mold and choose him as a tablemate. He hadn’t noticed the lone raven-haired boy that was sitting at a table alone, so when Tsunade-sensei clapped her hands well before the bell rang for class to begin and announced that everyone had to be seated together, Naruto was confused. He heard the seat move beside him, before he realized the glares the class gave him. More whispering, _please, I didn’t ask anyone to sit with me, I would’ve sat alone in every class, please don’t whisper_ , Naruto didn’t even bother to look over at the other loner that had sat beside him. Instead, he took the blank piece of paper that was in front of him and turned it into a rose garden scenery, with a metal arch centerpiece. Granny’s voice fell onto his ears, but only vaguely. She was one of those teachers who expected no one to read the syllabus ahead of time, and went over it for everyone in detail. Naruto focused his attention on the detail of each rose, and the intricate design that the metal arch had, without even noticing that the class was nearing the end. Tsunade-sensei clapped her hands, Naruto’s eyes finally snapped into focus onto the classroom.

“Alright kiddos, I know it’s the first day, but I am going to assign some stuff for next week so be prepared I am giving you a warning well in advance, but for now I am done with class today so just keep things to a dull roar for the next ten minutes,” she turned to write down some reading and assignment on the board. Naruto wrote that down in a miniature agenda he had, before resuming back to the garden he wanted to escape in.

“Why would Sasuke sit next to that thing, doesn’t he worry that stupidity is going to rub off on him,” a girl’s whisper hit Naruto’s ears even through the heavy chatter that was going on.

“I heard from a neighbor that they see him walking outside at odd hours of the morning. I bet he was vandalizing something, or dealing drugs,” that boy’s voice sounded more familiar, but Naruto didn’t have the energy to pinpoint who it was coming from. He instead added more detailed grass under the rose bushes he had just completed. Naruto felt the gazes directed at him, he burned under them, but the cold sweat made him want to shiver instead. The bell ending the class came as a saving grace, and Naruto quickly shoved all his materials into his backpack and stood up quickly. He finally realized that it was Sasuke who had been the one to sit beside him, and he felt guilt boil in his stomach. _He’s putting himself in danger of being associated with me if he keeps getting close to me, then again, he is a major heartthrob, there’s nothing he could do wrong in others’ eyes_ , Naruto took his quick glance off the boy, who had been leaned over putting his own things away. Naruto slid his chair in quietly, before stepping to the front of the class to make his break away.

“Naruto-kun” Tsunade’s voice was clear and strong, so he turned around to look at her. The frown she wore was noticeable to him, but to the others would look like a flat face expression. Others would never know that she constantly wore a small smirk, even when she was annoyed with the Old Man, and that when she wasn’t smirking is when one should know something is up.

“Yes ma’am?” Naruto couldn’t say her name just yet, that would take some time to get used to. He watched as Sasuke was the last student to leave the room before directing his full attention to the young-looking woman in front of him.

“How long have people been treating you like this, child?” her voice was stern but concerned, and laced with sad notes. Naruto’s eyes dropped to the floor, before looking back up with a large, crooked smile on his face.

“Ah, it’s nothing that bothers me Granny-sama, don’t worry! Hey, I gotta get to class before it’s too late, why don’t I come over soon? Jiraiya won’t be back for a few more weeks,” Naruto was quick to avoid the question and he knew she wasn’t happy with his response, or the smile plastered on his face.

“I’ll call you tonight. Now go, don’t be late on your first day of classes.” She waved her hand in a motion to send him off, but her mouth was drawn tight in a straight line. Naruto quickly left the room, letting the smile fade off his face before entering the hallway. He rounded the corner quickly, before quick-stepping down the two flights of stairs to reach the ground level. His next class was in the art center, so he had to exit the building, and follow the path that divided the two left quads to enter the one-story, long building.

Walking through the art building gave Naruto a rush of excitement for his evening classes, but he would have to make it through the next one first. World Culture was only offered to seniors, so all twelve of the senior class would be together for the entire year for this class. Naruto dreaded that thought, as most of his classes that he chose many of his fellow classmates hadn’t picked. The only highlight that came from this class was that the principle himself taught, _maybe his presence will prevent any bullying from happening_ , Naruto thought as he entered the room. Apparently, he was far from late after his short talk with Baa-chan, as only a few students were here. Usually, he would be one to pick a middle seat to the left side, but Naruto walked straight for the back, but keeping to the left. _I’ll stay away from everyone, then no one will feel the need to pick me out for something_ , Naruto thought as he examined the room. Door was on the far-right corner, but the teacher’s desk was on the left side of the room as well. He would just need to leave quickly every day from class and hide out during lunch. More of the fourth years filtered into the room, and they chatted loudly and constantly laughed. Naruto was arranging his binder and pencil bag on his desk when someone kicked the leg to his desk, jolting him into awareness. A boy with brown eyes and crazy, shaggy brown hair was in front of him. He was wearing a large, shit-eating grin as he looked down on Naruto.

“Hey weirdo, why are you sitting back here. You ain’t the stupidest in the grade anymore, even though you’re still a friendless dweeb. Get the fuck out of here and go sit in the front you little teacher-dick-sucker. That’s the only way you’re excelling in this school, we all know it!” the grin was growing with each taunt the boy yelled at Naruto. Naruto didn’t take his eyes off of him, Kiba is already starting this shit and it’s only day one. Naruto put his eyes off into the distance.

“What are you mute now? I think I was talking to you? You should really learn to talk to me when I’m talking to you. Especially since I am the only one with the balls big enough to say anything to a freak like you.” Kiba was getting more sarcastic and cocky with each word he said. More people were filing into the room, some were watching with eagerness at the exchange going on, and others were trying their best to look away from the scene unfolding. Kiba kicked the desk, harder each time, until he laughed hysterically.

“Fucking freak, you should be glad some of these teachers get off on little boys so you could make it this far.” Kiba’s smile was large. A few more kicks to the desk were fit in before Kiba finally gave up and picked a seat on the opposite side of the room. Most of the students were here by now, Saratobi-sensei had entered just a few minutes after the scene had unfolded, and was writing on the board before class started. Naruto sat spaced out, feeling the cold sweat drench his body. He felt as though every eye in the room was piercing through his skin, and burning him alive. His body felt restless, as though he needed to run, and keep running forever. Opening his binder, he turned the sheet paper in front of him into an abstract piece of small swirls of blue ink. Naruto loved the principle, and was very familiar with him, but today not a single word of his lecture met Naruto’s ears as he was too absorbed is his dismal thoughts and turning them into blue lines on white background. It wasn’t until the classroom started getting noisy with talking and laughter that Naruto finally snapped out of his trance. The board had notes across it, and homework wrote down, so Naruto worried more about the problems than the notes. Naruto sighed, _I didn’t mean to zone out for the first day of class, but I was about to have a panic attack, I could just email Sarutobi-sensei later and explain to him what happened, I think he understands my problems enough_ , Naruto closed all his things and shoved him into his bag just as the bell was ringing. Naruto crossed across the room quickly, thanking his new long legs that got him to the door in record speed, and let him nearly run out the building. Naruto’s paranoia was screaming at him that he was being followed as he rounded the corner of the back of the art building.

Once in the shade of the building, Naruto finally looked around to see that no one was there. Naruto let out the breath of air that he didn’t know that he had been holding the entire time. He felt his heart drumming quickly in his chest, and his fingers, clenching his uniform tightly, were sweating and shaking. Naruto put his back on the bricks, feeling their coolness through his layers of clothing. His head was spinning with unwanted thoughts and memories, and his stomach was churning. There was no doubting to himself that he was alright, as he knew from these telltale signs that a panic attack was rampaging full strength. Naruto closed his eyes, and tried to catch his breath. Snapping his eyes opened, Naruto opened the flap to his bag and searched in one of the tiny pockets along the inside. Pulling out a small leather pouch, he stuck his hand in and pulled out a small blue pill. He popped it quickly, swallowing, while stuffing the small pouch back into the tiny pocket. They worked on incoming panic attacks, and Naruto bent over with his lower back still pressed onto the wall while closing his eyes. His body felt prickly, covered with the cold sweat that was forming. His hands were tightly wrapped around his thighs. Attempts at collecting himself to function were failing, and lunch was coming to an end too soon. Naruto forced his body upright despite the dizziness within his head, and walked towards the main building to his locker. There were barely any students in the hall, as many of the students preferred the outside areas much more. Naruto walked quickly, as though he were trying to race his quickened heartbeat. _Just four more classes, and Kiba and his gang shouldn’t be in a single one of them, then if I rush to my car no one should be able to beat me up today_ , Naruto had his arm in his locker placing his morning notebooks away to swap them out for his afternoon class supplies. Due to his anxiety at an all-time high, Naruto’s senses were heightened and he felt the figure behind him before it came to his side. _It’s that kid again, Sasuke, I never knew his locker was beside me, no wonder everyone’s pissed he sits beside me, I’m going to infect him with my flaws just like they always say_ , Naruto unconsciously clenched his jaw and averted his gaze from the black-haired boy. Quickly fastening the flap to his bag, he quickly shut his locker and walked away, feeling subconscious and shaky. The small, blue pill was finally doing its job, and Naruto could no longer hear the beat of his own heartbeat in his eardrums, and his hands were finally steady and calm. He was already in the science building waiting for classes to resume when the bell rang; Naruto had been on his phone looking through the social media app, despite the reminder that nearly all his peers had blocked him just to spite him.

Anko-sensie was a hyper woman, who, despite her smaller frame, had an intimidating air surrounding her. Class was taught in a manner of interest rather than desire for useful knowledge. Naruto enjoyed that though, and littered a few pages with random facts that Anko-sensei babbled on about, disregarding that half the class wasn’t listening. Naruto drew a couple of the animals mentioned next to the notes about them. Class ended early much like the others, so he cleaned off his desk and slipped his phone out. He had an anonymous message on the social app, and refused to click on it while in school. _Kiba isn’t going to get under my skin on day one, it’s just not going to happen_ , he turned his phone off and back to his pocket. His arm slid the entire length of the desk and then some, and Naruto laid his head on arm. He had, of course, picked a window seat, and enjoyed the crystal-clear view of the sky.

“Do you think he’ll actually graduate, or will he go back to his pranks and shit like when he was a little brat?” a whispered voice was heard too loudly in Naruto’s ears.

“I don’t know man, he’s still a freak to me even if they didn’t find him guilty of anything. I would expel him just because it’s him, truthfully,” the chuckle following the response made Naruto feel cold. There was no point turning around to see who said it, and he was the first one out of the room when the bell rang to even see a single face within the class.

Naruto sat down quickly in a classroom on the other side of the science building, and reveled in the fact that he was the first one in the room. Organic chemistry was a class he was supposed to take last year, but had pushed it off due to his heavy course load. Watching others file in, many familiar faces, Naruto realized he wasn’t the only one who had pushed this off. Others filed in, many were third-years, and Naruto even noticed some of the more gifted second-years were in here. The classroom was filling up quickly, and Naruto pulled out his notebook to distract himself from the noise. Class had started before Naruto realized that the same kid was sitting beside him. _Ah, he’s going to get me beat up worse than normal if he keeps this up, I wonder if I could talk to him without anyone seeing_ , Naruto sideways glanced the raven, who was looking intently at the syllabus in front of him. Naruto pulled out a notecard from his backpack, he wrote in large, curling letters: “Hello, take this as rudely as you want, but it’s not a good thing to be sitting beside me. So, maybe tomorrow you can pick a new seat in some of them? Thanks.” Sighing mentally at the meanness that came from the note, he slid it with trained secrecy till it was on the pale boy’s desk and nearly entirely under his book. No one would’ve seen the movement, not even the raven-haired boy who was receiving the note. Naruto used his peripheral to see what the boy would do. He took the corner of the note and flipped it over quickly so that it was in between his syllabus and face, but still discreet from anyone nearby. His dark eyes scanned the words, before taking the note and shoving it into a random page of his notebook. Naruto didn’t look back at the boy, _I know he’s a loner, but maybe he’s really isn’t like the other. But I wouldn’t burden someone like that, and that seems to be too much like wishful thinking. No need to get my hopes, he just needs to sit away from me before people get too angry_. Naruto didn’t realize the bell was about to ring, as he was lost in his thoughts before he noticed the raven-haired boy had put all his things away and was sitting with his hands held together with his chin resting on top of them. Naruto grabbed his backpack to shove his things in when he noticed the returned notecard with the simple sentence, “I can sit where I want.” He nearly chuckled out loud at the deliberate sass that came from those few words, and finished packing up his stuff just in time for the bell to ring.

Naruto was as happy as he could be as he walked back to the arts building. His next two courses were art class and a music class, and he enjoyed the nice break from hard studying courses to his more skill-intensive classes. Music class was first, which was a first for the blonde. He usually played in the privacy of his room, but he needed the music course and decided that playing was something he was already decent at, making this an easy, high-marking class. Naruto walked into the room, and sat on one of the stools. No one else was here yet, and Naruto spotted the upright piano nearby. _I doubt any of the seniors are in this class, no one will notice it’s me anyway_ , he encouraged himself as he sat at the bench and touched the keys gently without pressing them. Naruto loved playing the piano, but loved guitar even more, and was more than just decent at the both. His hands formed naturally over the keys as he pressed chords and notes, and the melody flowed carelessly but beautifully. Naruto had lost himself until he caught a large figure in his peripheral and stopped playing immediately.

“My little man, that was a killer tune, ya know! That was just the greatest, bestest thing I’ve heard in a long time,” the dark man’s words boomed loudly, and happily. Naruto turned his face away from the man, hiding the red tinge in his tanned cheeks.

“I am sorry for playing this without permission,” his voice barely came out more than whisper as he turned towards the big man again.

“My little man, don’t apologize when you can mold an instrument to your will like that! Take that as my teaching wisdom!” the man’s booming voice was matched with a booming laughter. Naruto smiled sheepishly, slipping a hand behind the back of his head to rub his head. He was not use to receiving compliments from strangers.

He continued talking fast and loud, “Truthfully, I think you’re the only person taking this class in this block! Sit back down and play that tune one more time!” Naruto obeyed, sitting straight-backed. He looked at the keys, trying to ignore the fact that someone was watching him play for the first time in his life. Eyes closed, Naruto let his hands mold to the shape of the keys as he hit the chords and notes. His mind was blank, he need not to look at the piano, nor think of musical scales. This sonata in a minor A was a frequently played piece for the boy. He ended the piece, still not opening his eyes, enjoying the silence as the keys rang out the last whisper of their noise.

“That, that was too beautiful,” the big man was sniffling and beaming with a smile as Naruto turned around facing the man, with a mixed look of shock and embarrassment.

“It-it’s nothing really, I just picked up piano back as a child…since-since there was one there, ya know?” Naruto’s eyes went to the floor. He felt hot under the gaze of this big man.

“Look here kid, B knows a few things about music and more music, and what you got is pure, raw talent. What else can you do?” B was beaming with excitement waiting for a response.

“Uh, I guess guitar is the only other thing I can play. I bought one a few years back and picked it up for um, my own playing and such, I guess,” Naruto couldn’t lift his eyes off the ground. Naruto heard a chair scrape the linoleum of the music room, as B-sensei sat close to the boy. Naruto felt squeamish under the gaze he was being put under.

“Look kid, I like you, you’re modest, and talented. I can work with that, and teach you a lot, but this shyness and scaredy-cat act you got going on is gonna have to be cracked open first. I wanna be honest with you kid, I was never meant to make it this far in life, and I’m sensing with my upmost wisdom that you are in a similar boat. So, since class is ending soon, and we got our formalities out of the way I am gonna give you some of the most important homework of your life. Okay kid? Let’s work on this-on you.” Naruto met the man’s eyes, clear blue eyes staring into golden-brown eyes. Naruto didn’t reply, but to the teacher his eyes said it all.

“You got a busy mind, and to enjoy music and play it you gotta find that clear spot. We are gonna work on this! Get it kid! Now get out of my classroom I got lunch waiting for me. Check your email later this week for your special assignment!” B-sensei stood up and left, leaving the blonde to the silence that was left when his booming voice no longer filled it. Naruto felt his breath hitch as tears welled up in his eyes. _It’s been so long since someone has seen me, I-I don’t know what to do_ , he wiped the tears as they fell, and regained his composure before closing the piano and grabbing his bag. In his heart were small flutters of hope, instead of the drumming of constant anxiety.

Naruto walked tall and straight to his last class of the day. It had been such a long day, with a whirlwind of emotions, but now the day didn’t seem so hard as he entered the art room. Naruto relished in the familiar smells of paints, oils, and pencils. Being an advanced class, the seats were limited in number. Grabbing a corner seat in the back, Naruto pulled out his sketch book and supplies and turned the white page he turned to into a scenery of a forest with soft light entering between the trees. His pencil worked furiously at the mental landscape he had imagined, when a shadow lingered over him.

“Naruto-kun, ambitious as always. Class hasn’t even started and you’re already a step ahead,” the monotonous man’s voice cut through the loud thoughts in Naruto’s head. He glanced up and recognized the young man in front of him. Sai-kun had been two years his senior, but they had got along in their need for silence and small amount of words. Naruto slid into a small smile.

“I’m glad to see you made it through art school so quickly, Sai-sensei,” the new title felt foreign in Naruto’s mouth but he respected the man deeply, and knew that he earned the title.

“I am glad to see you are here and doing well, my student,” Sai-sensei turned away at those words, but Naruto picked up on the hidden layer under the meaning. Naruto turned back to his sketch, hearing footsteps of other students walk in before class began. Sai was never a sociable person, as he had a deadpan humor and lacked any visible signs of emotion, and his teaching style was molded around this. Naruto heard the words, even as he focused on the work before him, and could see the other students shock and confusion at their teacher’s lack of, well, anything. Sai did have an aura of dominance and intelligence around him, despite these flaws, and that showed in his strong voice and cutthroat attention to meticulous standards and details.

“This is not a study hall, class, and will not be intended to be used as such. This is the last class of the day, but I require full attention, commitment, and work ethic. There will be assignments and guidelines. Rules to follow. Lectures to come. The works. Be prepared, because this is an advanced class and I require work that shows such.” Whatever he was going to say next was cut off by the final bell, I’ve never heard him talk more than five minutes at a time, and he just lectured through an entire lecture period, Naruto was astound as he packed up his supplies and closing his unfinished scene. He noticed some fellow seniors who were in the class, but they were quiet ones. They shouldn’t cause trouble in this class, at least not with Sai teaching it, he gave the young man a small wave as he was last to exit the class. His walk back to his locker was rushed, as he needed to get to his car quickly. The steps seemed to get smaller each time he walked up them, as his body was still toned from a summer of hard activities.

At his locker, Naruto noticed the small paper sticking its corner out. He opened his locker and caught the folded piece before it fell to the floor. Shoving it in his backpack, he replaced books he didn’t need into his locker, and filled his bag with the notebooks and binders he need. Finishing, he quickly glanced around to see if anyone was watching him, and made his way back down the stairs. Naruto finally found a reason to enjoy his new, long legs as he made it down the path to the sidewalk in record time, ignoring the looks he received from whispering underclassmen. The parking lot was to the right, behind tall bushes. Naruto was quick to leave the coverage of the bushes to enter the flat, open parking lot. He noticed some teachers, and took comfort in their presence. No one would be stupid enough to beat me up with teachers present…then again, some of the teachers here aren’t the greatest when it comes to my problems. Naruto parked far in the back so no one would notice his car, and he nearly ran to his car by the end of his thoughts. On his car were more folded papers, and he quickly gathered them and shoved them in his bag. He pulled his keys out, checking his car for any damage, before he got in and locked the doors around him. Letting out the breath he was holding, Naruto started his car, and pulled out some of the pages he had collected. This wasn’t the first-time Naruto had received things like this, and it was far from the last time. All his peers had a whole summer to think of new ways to torture and abuse him, and it was no shock to him that they would resort to old favorites. Naruto was damaged more by words than anything else, and many of his tormentors had picked up on this, and made good use of the information. He put his bag in the seat beside him, and placed the pile of folded sheets in his lap. All of them were blank on the outside, so he grabbed them at random.

“FREAK”  
“WEIRDO”  
“LOSER”  
“GET OUT OF HERE”  
“DIE”  
“STUPID”  
“JUST DIE ALREADY” 

Naruto read each one individually. Each being unique in their handwriting, but every single message was as hurtful as the last. Naruto let the letters fall around him in his car, as he felt the dull pain start in his chest, making its way to his entire body as though it were flowing through his veins. He didn’t cry, nor get angry, as there was no point in either. Rather, he relished in the dull pain that pounded to a slow beat throughout his entire body. Time passed as he sat still, letting the silence and heat take his breath and mind away. When he finally came to, an hour had passed and he was the last car in the parking lot. Naruto fought to catch his breath, feeling as though he had held his breath the entire time, and watched his shaky hands pull out his phone. He turned on loud music to fill the void that had been created in his mind, and put his car in drive.  


Arriving home in a blankness, Naruto fumbled to grab his bag, leaving the notes scattered. His body felt like collapsing, but he pushed to get through the door of the apartment. Everything was as he had left it in the morning, which meant that the old man hadn’t come home yet. Naruto stumbled to his bedroom, dropping the bag onto his desk, and haphazardly removing his uniform until he was down to his boxers. His bed was made, and he laid on top of it with his eyes closed tight. He heard his phone ring several times, but his body was unable to move. Later, I’ll deal with it later, was the only thought that came through in his haze. Naruto let his rapid, short breaths even out on their own. He remained still despite his body feeling shaky and twitchy. He even let his thoughts come and go as they pleased, no matter how painful they were to let play in his mind. His first motion, which felt like hours later, was to slip a hand under the elastic to his boxers to allow his fingers to feel the familiar raised lines along this hidden part of his body. Up and down his fingers trailed the countless lines, some bubbled out more than other. Some more jagged than others. Some, still fresh enough to hurt when pressed to hard. Naruto slowly relaxed himself enough to form full thoughts, but remained still and silent as he stared at the bright ceiling that caught all the evening sunlight filling in through the windows. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I was **so** late with when I had originally planned to post this, I decided to reward your guy's patience with an extra long chapter. This one was harder to write since I introduced so many characters at once, and I hope that wasn't too much, but I really didn't want to split this chapter up into two since the next chapter will immediately follow into the night. 
> 
> **So for the future plan** , I am going to do some time skips and bring in a lot more interactions and such, since right now it seems to be all in Naruto's realm. I don't know about switching around with the POV but I'm open for changing my mind. 
> 
> Sound good, kiddos? If not feel free to comment below! Please hit that kudos, like and bookmark button! Next chapter will come A LOT sooner than this one I promise you that! **Enjoy!!** :*

**Author's Note:**

> PS: this work was wrote in one night, with no sleep, and read to me in Google translate...
> 
> With that being said there may be more errors such as grammar or spelling issues...and I may go back later to fix any issues!
> 
> Thank you again for reading! Please subscribe for more chapters and series to come, as well as more ships and character appearances to come as the story progresses!! :) 
> 
> Rate, comment, hit, kudos, talk, whatever you want! :*


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